Hesitant

I don't understand why I'm always so hesitant about talking to someone first. Anyone. Most of the time I'll just sit there and wait for my phone to vibrate or the orange light to start blinking on msn. If it doesn't, I'll just feel disappointed/miss whoever that pops up in my mind at that moment and get on with my own work.

I rarely initiate conversations, unless they're face-to-face ones. Even then, I'll normally wait for people to acknowledge my presence before I smile at them first. I dare not look at the person much if there's tension between us. The only exception is facebook, and I'm still trying hard to understand what's so special about it.

Even though I complain about how I miss my friends, I rarely ask them out or text them because I'm always waiting for them to ask first. (and when they do, I'm usually busy, so.. D: )


Maybe this has got to do with my insecurity, like how we want to know that others are thinking of us first. But if the other party is like that too, it'll only lead to a lack of communication, which is the biggest problem there'll ever be in a friendship. I know there's a deeper reason to this, but I can't find the time to type them out.



Recently, I found out that I'm seriously lousy at expressing my thoughts verbally. Thoughts flow when I pen everything down but when I'm asked to talk, they come in these knots and bundles.

I hate it when i don't have much time to think about these things.